American Culture
Culture shock is a term used to identify the sense of disorientation and confusion that many people experience when they arrive in another country. New visitors to a different culture have left behind everything they consider normal and familiar and are expected to function in a new country. Culture shock is a normal and temporary part of the process of adapting to a new environment and it is usual for these feelings to diminish over time. By the end of the first semester, most students begin to feel truly "at home" in their new surroundings.
Getting acquainted with social and cultural differences is a very important process because it will help you to build successful relationships with Americans. What follows are some common American customs most students will probably encounter.
Individualism and Privacy
The most important thing to understand about Americans is their devotion to individualism. They have been trained and educated since very early in their lives to consider themselves as separate individuals who are responsible for their own situations in life and their own destinies. Americans have not been trained to see themselves as members of a close-knit, tightly interdependent family, religious group, tribe, nation, or other collective group.
Closely associated with the value placed on individualism is the importance Americans assign to privacy. Americans assume that people need some time to themselves or some time alone to think about things. Americans may have difficulty understanding international people who always want to be with another person or who dislike being alone.
Greetings and Good-byes
When Americans use the greeting, "Hi! What's up? (or) Hey! How's it going?", other Americans will probably answer "Fine". Americans do not expect to hear all the details of your health or your day (for example: "I'm feeling really terrible. I had a big test last week and I was very sad about the grade... and my boyfriend/girlfriend was angry with me..."). Even if an American is having a terrible day, that person will usually answer, "Fine" or "OK" because it is thought to be impolite to take too much time with the answer or discuss your personal situation with others unless the two people are close friends.
"Hi! What's up?" or "Hey! How's it going?" are only greetings that are meant to be said in passing. Do not be surprised if Americans do not stop walking when they say that greeting to others. Not taking the time to stop is not considered rude because time is very important.
Likewise, Americans usually end a conversation with "Let's get togehter sometime." or " I'll call you later!". This does not mean that the person will actually call you soon or make a date to meet you. It is a polite way to finish the conversation and say to the other person "It was nice talking to you. I look forward to seeing you again in the future."
Many international students mistake American's meanings with these greetings and good-byes. Americans do not mean to be rude. They really are trying to be pleasant and polite.
Directness and Assertiveness
Americans consider themselves to be frank, open, and direct in their dealings with other people. Americans will often speak openly and directly to others about things they dislike. They will try to do so in a manner they call constructive (a manner which the other person will not find offensive or unacceptable).
If they do not speak openly about what is on their minds, they will often convey their reactions in nonverbal ways (without words, but through facial expressions, body positions, and gestures). Americans are not taught that they should mask (hide) their emotional responses. Their words, tone of their voices, or their facial expressions will usually reveal when they are feeling angry, unhappy, confused, or happy. They do not think it is improper to display these feelings, except in rare occasions.
Americans are generally more direct and open than people from most other countries. They will not try to hide their emotions. They are much less concerned than other cultures with avoiding embarrassment to themselves or others. To Americans, being honest is usually more important than preserving harmony in interpersonal relationships.
Time
Time is extremely important to Americans. Do you know the saying, "Time is money."? Americans do not think others should be late. If you have a class, meeting, party, or family invitation, it is considered very rude to not arrive on time.
Generally, most Americans arrive 10-15 minutes before the class, meeting, or invitation time. Five (5) minutes late is considered rude, but forgivable. Ten to fifteen (15) minutes late would require a clear reason and apology to the other person. Fifteen (15) minutes or more (+) is considered extremely rude. If you are going to be late, it is considered polite to call and apologize to the person. This is acceptable because the other person now knows 'why' you are not there.
In some cultures, it is thought to be good or proper to arrive 30-45 minutes late to an appointment. However, in the US, most people have several appointments scheduled in the same day or evening. If you are late, they may have to re-schedule your appointment or leave early.
Social Invitations
While you are in the U.S., we hope that you will meet and spend time with Americans and their families. These suggestions may help you feel more comfortable when you are invited to join family activities.
The invitation is usually for you only unless your host specifically invites you to bring your family or friends. Bringing guests of your own without asking your host's permission is considered impolite.
The written invitation will include the date, time, place, and description of the occasion. You should always answer a written invitation, especially if it says R.S.V.P (Respondez, s'il vous plait; French for 'please respond'). You may respond by telephone or by letter; prompt response is appreciated. Never accept an invitation unless you really plan on attending. If you must decline an invitation, it is enough to say, "Thank you for the invitation, but I am unable to attend." If an unavoidable problem makes it necessary for you to change plans, be certain to tell the host as soon as possible before the time when you are expected. Make sure you get directions to the place where the event will be held.
When accepting an invitation for a meal, be sure to tell your host if there is anything you are not supposed to eat. This courtesy will help the host to plan for food and beverages that everyone can enjoy. If you must refuse something that has been prepared, refuse politely. You may request a second serving of a dish if there is food left on the table and each person has had an opportunity for a first serving.
Americans put a great deal of emphasis on personal cleanliness. The standard of personal cleanliness that a person maintains determines (to a large extent) how he or she is accepted in society. Most Americans are very sensitive to the smells or odors of the human body - sometimes their own, but especially someone else's. For this reason, most Americans bathe once a day and sometimes more during hot weather or after strenuous excercise. They use deodorants and antiperspirants, and they wash their clothes frequently. Most Americans are also very concerned about having clean hair and fresh breath.
Friendship and Dating
Many Americans are fairly open and warm people who find it easy to make new friends. However, their mobility and sense of individualism cause their relationships to often be casual and informal. This is not to say Americans take friendship lightly. It just means that while Americans know a lot of people, their lasting friendships are often few in number.
Women in the U.S. are, comparatively, less inhibited than women from other countries. In the U.S., it is not unusual, for example, for unmarried women to live by themselves, to share living space with other single women, or to go to public spaces unescorted. Men and women are often friends and interact with each other as equal individuals. It is not always assumed that a man and a woman who spend time together are romantically involved.
Dating is a rather informal process in the U.S. It is not uncommon for men or women to ask each other out on a date. However, the relaxed and more independent attitude of women in the U.S. sometimes lead to inaccurate assumptions about women in the U.S. by those whose native culture is more restrictive of women's activities.
The best way to become more familiar and understanding of American culture and its many aspects is to observe the people and how they interact with each other in different situations. It is also appropriate to ask close friends or advisors about situations that seem different or confusing to you.